– a better late than never reflection –
Mental health is an interesting animal. It’s still viewed as taboo or untoward to even mention the challenges that come with maintaining, at least from my experience. Over the years I have grown more comfortable with sharing my challenges with others. I am not sure if it’s due to age or the welcoming energy of my communities. Maybe a bit of both. I would like to see more humans grow comfortable and confident in this area, comfortable to share and confident in their progress.
So in an effort to practice what I preach here is an update from me.
I have had a few not so good weeks sprinkled in to these last two months. I have missed posting on my lunar schedule, two posts to be exact. I think I had some awesome things to say. Maybe? Honestly I cannot remember. My lunar reflections are inspired by the goings on with my life, mind, and spirit. I just didn’t think I had anything to share during my low vibrational moments. From another angle, maybe I was afraid of what the energy was telling me. There may have been a bit of shame sprinkled in there. Maybe a bit of self cruelty and judgement for not keeping to my “not so hard” posting schedule of only two times a month. Such high expectations for something that is supposed to be fun and an important part of my quest to better ease and peace.
There is this common misconception that humans well into their healing journey have it all figured out. They handle what comes at them in a stellar way and in almost perfect form. Love and light reigns supreme in their lives. I’m telling you it’s bullshit. Believe it or not, I still handle many of the challenges that come my way in a not so healthy way. Just when I think I’m ok and have something confidently figured out, I realize that I don’t. I am sometimes devastated in those moments thinking that I not doing it “right” or something along those lines. Sound familiar?
In more news on handling things in a not so healthy way, there are also times that I sit solidly in that energy. Being Queen Petty feels amazing at certain times. It’s when judgements towards others roll through my mind with ease. I am not a nice person during these times, and I do not care. These are times when I am going through a grief wave, when previous hurts come to the surface. These waves happen quite often, not as often as in the past, but still quite potent. I go back and forth between the denial and anger phases. These phases have been my constant companions for years.
External perceptions of who we are “supposed” to be are pretty set in the minds of many. I remember an incident that happened to an old mentor of mine many years ago. They experienced a house fire that placed their spouse and children in a difficult place. They reacted as one would in a situation like this – with a bit of panic, anxiety, anger, etc. Some in their community were quick to judge labeling their reactions as not befitting of a wellness community leader. I’m sorry, but how is a wellness community leader supposed to act? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I would think they would react as someone that is dealing with their house burning to the ground. I mean, that seems like the move here.
“Grace” is the current term popular these days as something to aspire to. It applies here for both ourselves and the community at large. We must show ourselves grace when thoughts of inadequacy in how we are handling our journeys arise. We can choose to give grace to others when their projections of who they think we are or should be are brought upon us. This last one is not a requirement by any means. I will even be bold in saying that matching that energy can be therapeutic at times. Queen Petty at their finest. Did I mention earlier that I am NOT perfect? No? Well, I’m not. Far from it.
Here is where I would normally list a few therapeutic tools that helped me through these most recent low vibrational moments hoping that it will also help you, dear reader, in your own quest for ease. Not this time. I will only leave you with the knowledge that the last few weeks have been mostly good filled with magical moments and feel good energies. This quest that we willingly take in our magical worlds is not on a linear path. Most adventures that are worth it never are. That’s the fun part, right? We get to discover new things that both surprise us in fits of glee and scare us into a sort of paralysis. It’s all wonderful. Even the murky parts.
Be kind to yourselves.
